Today, in my weekly memoir writing class, my teacher said, “Let’s take four minutes and start with our first prompt: ‘This is a book of a woman who...’”
Four minutes later, these words landed on my page: “This is a book of a US businesswoman who is a Chinese immigrant, awakening to her sexuality, found empowerment in femininity and reclaimed her identity.”
Looking at these words, I am a little surprised. I had been writing about something completely different–forgiveness (healing relationships with my parents), for the last couple of months.
Then again, this shouldn’t really surprise me. As I now see myself clearly as a writer, I have begun to trust that like me, my pen is only a channel, whatever needs to come through will always find its way.
I am sure the power of forgiveness will come in another memoir, later.
This one, now ready to be pushed out of the womb, is all about awakening to the deepest desire of being a woman; discovering and reclaiming her birthright.
The urge to birth her started a week ago.
“Be aware that my feminine and masculine talk will include sexuality.” I wrote to the Co-Elevate WhatsApp group.
“So are you checking for a parental permission slip letting people into the next call?” One wrote back.
“My mom signed my permission slip… but I didn’t sign hers so she will not be on the call,” another commented.
My platinum brothers just love to tease.
I am part of a Co-Elevate team with Tony Robbins’s platinum partners. We are brothers and sisters from a global family: from America, Asia and Australia.
Each week we meet on Zoom to share an hour of love and expertise in one area that we are passionate about. Last Sunday night, I volunteered and my topic was femininity and masculinity.
As the date drew closer, I became more and more excited. I want to design this special hour for them to have the best experience.
When was the last time that I was this excited about the topic of sexuality?
I was teaching in China, 2018. It was through feminine teaching, that I found myself an exquisite artist. Ideas and answers would always just come. Kind of like how Tony Robbins shared he knows it is “DONE” before he even gets on the stage to serve the participants. I know exactly what he means, except mine doesn't come in a masculine form of “DONE”.
Picture this: I was surrounded by soft pillows, sewn with gold satin and elegant brown trim. I had them custom made for my classes. Elegant floor lamps with fancy shades cast a warm red glow, dazzled with clear beads, reflecting lights from all directions of a big ballroom.
The soft, floor-sized quilt had a romantic rose pattern to shield us from the overused hotel floors. We rolled on it. Crawled on it. Danced on it. The doors were locked. Blinds were down. There would be no intruders. Only the safety of sisterhood.
I would sit and meditate before each class. Loudspeakers played “Bliss”, the song I fell in love with when I heard it for the first time during a spiritual retreat in India, 2013.
By the end of the 11-minute song, my heart would feel so full and tears often swelled up, stinging my eyes. Pure joy. A blissful state I wished for all my students to experience. That is when I open my eyes and know I am ready.
That is my feminine way of “DONE”.
I would feel like the Divine has just given me all the compassion to help heal and love whoever is in front of me. No one goes through life without getting hurt. After we acknowledge our hurt, rich, causeless joy will arrive.
Our class usually started with dropping deep into our feminine core, which is compassion. Compassion for ourselves. I loved to see my students transform into a completely different woman in front of my eyes. She would come in, tight faced, stiff body, guarded heart, fake smile. A day later, a different woman emerged, relaxed, soft, empowered, flowy, radiant, messy tears sometimes, but that's the beauty of being feminine.
That's when I knew I was meant to do this. This Goddess work.
China's doors closed on me after a couple of years of passionate teaching. After all, teaching sexuality was too bold in a country where the President wrote himself into the constitution.
When one door closes, another opens. When one country closes, the world opens.
Thank you to my Co-Elevate team for calling this passion back into my life.
I thought I was serving the team when actually, it served me the most.
In the midst of COVID, on the zoom screen, your trust fired up my desire to serve again.
Watch out world. Sexuality, here we come.